08-11-2010, 11:37 PM
"The Bro Code" written by Barney Stinson of the How I Met Your Mother fame. For those who are unaware of the Bro Code, let me give you a brief idea. The Bro Code is the final authority on acceptable behavior between and among dudes. It is, ofcourse, a fictional Code put forward by some fictional Barnabas Stinson in 1777. It is probably a hilarious take on the Declaration of Independence. Stinson uses language like a scalpel, digging though our deepest emotional tissue to expose the very core of the human psyche. However, women might find it to be disgusting, disparaging and stomach churning. Let me make one thing clear that this post in no way expresses my own views and is just a reproduction of all the articles in the original book.
1) Bros before hoes. The bond between two men is stronger than that between a man and a woman because on an average, men are stronger than women. That�s just science.
2) A bro is always entitled to do something stupid as long as the rest of his bros are all doing it. For example... If only one Spanish dude were to run down the street in front of a bunch of angry bulls, people would have been like "Dude, come on!!". The license to be stupid is why we have bros in the first place.
3) If a bro gets a dog, it must be atleast as tall as his knee when full grown. Corollary to this states, naming a lap-dog after a pro-wrestler or a character from a Steve McLain movie does not absolve a bro from this article.
4) A bro never divulges the existence of the bro code to a woman. It is a sacred document not to be shared with chicks for any reason.
NOTE: If you are a woman reading this, first let me apologize: it was never my intention for this book to contain so much math. Second, I urge you to look at this document for what it is a piece of fiction meant to entertain a broad audience through the prism of stereotypical gender differences. I mean, sometimes it really is like we're from different planets! Clearly, no real person would actually believe or adhere to the vulgar rules contained within.* Those boots are adorable, b-t-dub.
5) Whether he cares about sports or not, a bro cares about sports.
6) A bro shall not lollygag if he must get naked in front of other bros in a gym locker room. Corollary to this states, if a bro gets naked in the locker room, all other bros shall pretend that nothing out of the ordinary is happening while at the same time immediately averting their eyes. When in doubt, remember the old adage. If your towel drops to the ground, so should your eyes.
7) A bro never sends a greeting card to another bro. There are no sentiments between two bros that cannot be articulated through the convenience and emotional distance of electronic mail.
Example emails:
SYMPATHY
To: Bro
From: Bro
Subject: Dude
Message: Sorry Bro
CONGRATULATIONS
To: Bro
From: Bro
Subject: Bro!
Message: Nice Bro!
GET WELL SOON
To: Bro
From: Bro
Subject: Bro...
Message: Don't give up, Bro
HAPPY BIRTHDAY
To: Bro
From: Bro
Subject: Dude
Message: Drinks on me, Bro!
THINKING OF YOU
To: N/A
From: N/A
Subject: N/A
Message: N/A
8) A bro never admits he can�t drive stick even after an accident.
9) Should a bro lose a body part due to an accident or illness, his fellow bros will not make lame jokes such as "Gimme three" or "Wow!! Quitting your job like that really took a lot of ball!!" It�s still a hi-five and that bro still has a lot of balls, metaphorically speaking of course.
10) A bro will drop whatever he is doing and rush to help his bro dump a chick. It�s normal for a bro to get confused and disoriented when dumping a chick. For some reason he is worried she will become agitated or even violent after he calmly explains his desire to hook up with her friends. This is when a bro most needs his bro to remind him that there are plenty of chick in the ocean and that a breakup need not be hazardous, stressful or even time- consuming. How to dump an chick in 6 words or less...
- �Maybe try a side salad instead."
- �Cute!! You �re growing a moustache too!!"
- �She looks like a younger you!!"
- �I will finance a boob job."
- �Sorry I threw your shoes out."
- �Your sister let me do that!!"
11) A bro may ask another bro to help him move. But only after first disclosing an honest estimate on both time commitment and number of large furniture pieces. If the bro has vastly underestimated, either his bros retain the right to leave his possessions where they are, in most cases stuck in a door-way.
12) Bros do not share dessert.
13) All bros shall dub one of their bros his wingman.
14) If a chick enquires about another bros� sexual history, a bro shall honor the Br-ode of silence and play dumb. Better to have women think that all men are stupid than to tell the truth.
15) A bro never dances with his hands above his head.
16) A bro should be able to recite anytime the following reigning champions: Super bowl, World series and Play Mate of the year.
17) A bro shall be kind and courteous to his co-workers unless they are beneath him on the pyramid of screaming. America was built on the backs of men and women who were yelled at to work harder and the tradition has been screamed to generation from generation. But you just can�t scream at anybody. You can only scream beneath you.
18) If a bro spearheads a beer run at a party, he is entitled to any excess monies accrued after canvassing the group.
Note: To avoid confrontation it�s a good idea to jettison the receipt before returning to the party.
19) A bro shall not sleep with another bro�s sister. However, a bro shall not get angry if another bro says "Dude, your sister�s hot!!". Corollary, it is probably better for everyone if bros just hide pictures of their sisters when other bros are coming over. When in doubt refer to the check list for bro-proofing your home.
20) A Bro respects his Bros in the military because they've selflessly chosen to defend the nation, but more to the point, because they can kick his ass six ways to Sunday.
21) A Bro never shares observations about another Bro's smoking-hot girlfriend. Even if the Bro with the hot girlfriend attempts to bait the Bro by saying "she's smoking-hot, huh?" a Bro shall remain silent, because in this situation, he's the only one who should be baiting.
22) There is no law that prohibits a woman from being a Bro. Women make excellent bros because they can translate and navigate the confusing and contradictory whims that comprise the chick code (Chick do have the chick code!!).
Sample of chick code:
-1) A chick shall not sleep with another chick�s ex-boyfriend unless she does.
-2) A chick never pays for anything. Ever!!
-3) A chick shall never support another chick, whatever the reason maybe!!
-4) If a chick asks another chick to keep a secret, then� Are you kidding!! In the entire history of humankind, chicks have never been able to keep a secret!! Ever!!
-5) The favorite color of all chicks shall always be pink. And none other than pink.
-6) If two chicks get into a fight, they shall make catty remarks and pretend to ignore each other rather than simply stripping down and wrestling it out.
-7) If a chick hears a chick empowerment song like �I will survive�, she shall stop whatever she is doing, grab another chick�s hand and shriek the lyrics at the top of her lungs.
-8) If the TV is showing the movie �My Best Friend�s Wedding� or �DDLJ�, the chick has to leave whatever she is doing and watch the movie till the very end. No matter how many times she has seen it. Corollary: A chick will quickly find some work in the kitchen or somewhere else if her boyfriend is watching the movie �Die Hard� or �300�.
-9) A chick may get a dog as a pet but only if it fits in her mailbox.
-10) If two chicks are wearing a same outfit, each retains the right to accidently spill a drink on the other.
-11) A chick shall not operate a motor vehicle in a safe manner. Corollary: If a chick does operate a motor vehicle, she will atleast hit someone.
-12) A chick shall never use the side mirror for applying lipstick while driving the car. It is extremely dangerous since it messes up the hair!!
-13) A chick has a free pass to slut it up on Halloween.
-14) A chick shall always say �Oww.. Sooo cute!!� at the sight of a baby or a kitten or a puppy or a man with a cute baby or a man with a cute puppy.
-15) A chick shall never leave the house without putting on make-up first, even if the house is on fire. Corollary: A chick shall never go to sleep without putting on make-up first. Corollary: If a chick is on a date, she shall find some excuse to use the restroom atleast three times in order to check the make-up.
-16) A chick shall always demonstrate an absolute lack of commonsense. Especially, if she is really hot!!
23) When flipping through TV channels with his Bros, a Bro is not allowed to skip past a program featuring boobs. This includes but is not limited to, exercise shows, women's athletics, and on some occasions surgery programs.
24) When wearing a baseball cap, a Bro may position the brim at either 12 or 6 o'clock. All other angles are reserved for rappers and the handicapped.
25) A Bro doesn't let another Bro get a tattoo, particularly a tattoo of a girls name. The average relationship between a man and a woman lasts 83 days. The relationship between man and his skin lasts a life time and must be nurtured because the skin is the largest and second most important organ a man has.
1) Bros before hoes. The bond between two men is stronger than that between a man and a woman because on an average, men are stronger than women. That�s just science.
2) A bro is always entitled to do something stupid as long as the rest of his bros are all doing it. For example... If only one Spanish dude were to run down the street in front of a bunch of angry bulls, people would have been like "Dude, come on!!". The license to be stupid is why we have bros in the first place.
3) If a bro gets a dog, it must be atleast as tall as his knee when full grown. Corollary to this states, naming a lap-dog after a pro-wrestler or a character from a Steve McLain movie does not absolve a bro from this article.
4) A bro never divulges the existence of the bro code to a woman. It is a sacred document not to be shared with chicks for any reason.
NOTE: If you are a woman reading this, first let me apologize: it was never my intention for this book to contain so much math. Second, I urge you to look at this document for what it is a piece of fiction meant to entertain a broad audience through the prism of stereotypical gender differences. I mean, sometimes it really is like we're from different planets! Clearly, no real person would actually believe or adhere to the vulgar rules contained within.* Those boots are adorable, b-t-dub.
5) Whether he cares about sports or not, a bro cares about sports.
6) A bro shall not lollygag if he must get naked in front of other bros in a gym locker room. Corollary to this states, if a bro gets naked in the locker room, all other bros shall pretend that nothing out of the ordinary is happening while at the same time immediately averting their eyes. When in doubt, remember the old adage. If your towel drops to the ground, so should your eyes.
7) A bro never sends a greeting card to another bro. There are no sentiments between two bros that cannot be articulated through the convenience and emotional distance of electronic mail.
Example emails:
SYMPATHY
To: Bro
From: Bro
Subject: Dude
Message: Sorry Bro
CONGRATULATIONS
To: Bro
From: Bro
Subject: Bro!
Message: Nice Bro!
GET WELL SOON
To: Bro
From: Bro
Subject: Bro...
Message: Don't give up, Bro
HAPPY BIRTHDAY
To: Bro
From: Bro
Subject: Dude
Message: Drinks on me, Bro!
THINKING OF YOU
To: N/A
From: N/A
Subject: N/A
Message: N/A
8) A bro never admits he can�t drive stick even after an accident.
9) Should a bro lose a body part due to an accident or illness, his fellow bros will not make lame jokes such as "Gimme three" or "Wow!! Quitting your job like that really took a lot of ball!!" It�s still a hi-five and that bro still has a lot of balls, metaphorically speaking of course.
10) A bro will drop whatever he is doing and rush to help his bro dump a chick. It�s normal for a bro to get confused and disoriented when dumping a chick. For some reason he is worried she will become agitated or even violent after he calmly explains his desire to hook up with her friends. This is when a bro most needs his bro to remind him that there are plenty of chick in the ocean and that a breakup need not be hazardous, stressful or even time- consuming. How to dump an chick in 6 words or less...
- �Maybe try a side salad instead."
- �Cute!! You �re growing a moustache too!!"
- �She looks like a younger you!!"
- �I will finance a boob job."
- �Sorry I threw your shoes out."
- �Your sister let me do that!!"
11) A bro may ask another bro to help him move. But only after first disclosing an honest estimate on both time commitment and number of large furniture pieces. If the bro has vastly underestimated, either his bros retain the right to leave his possessions where they are, in most cases stuck in a door-way.
12) Bros do not share dessert.
13) All bros shall dub one of their bros his wingman.
14) If a chick enquires about another bros� sexual history, a bro shall honor the Br-ode of silence and play dumb. Better to have women think that all men are stupid than to tell the truth.
15) A bro never dances with his hands above his head.
16) A bro should be able to recite anytime the following reigning champions: Super bowl, World series and Play Mate of the year.
17) A bro shall be kind and courteous to his co-workers unless they are beneath him on the pyramid of screaming. America was built on the backs of men and women who were yelled at to work harder and the tradition has been screamed to generation from generation. But you just can�t scream at anybody. You can only scream beneath you.
18) If a bro spearheads a beer run at a party, he is entitled to any excess monies accrued after canvassing the group.
Note: To avoid confrontation it�s a good idea to jettison the receipt before returning to the party.
19) A bro shall not sleep with another bro�s sister. However, a bro shall not get angry if another bro says "Dude, your sister�s hot!!". Corollary, it is probably better for everyone if bros just hide pictures of their sisters when other bros are coming over. When in doubt refer to the check list for bro-proofing your home.
20) A Bro respects his Bros in the military because they've selflessly chosen to defend the nation, but more to the point, because they can kick his ass six ways to Sunday.
21) A Bro never shares observations about another Bro's smoking-hot girlfriend. Even if the Bro with the hot girlfriend attempts to bait the Bro by saying "she's smoking-hot, huh?" a Bro shall remain silent, because in this situation, he's the only one who should be baiting.
22) There is no law that prohibits a woman from being a Bro. Women make excellent bros because they can translate and navigate the confusing and contradictory whims that comprise the chick code (Chick do have the chick code!!).
Sample of chick code:
-1) A chick shall not sleep with another chick�s ex-boyfriend unless she does.
-2) A chick never pays for anything. Ever!!
-3) A chick shall never support another chick, whatever the reason maybe!!
-4) If a chick asks another chick to keep a secret, then� Are you kidding!! In the entire history of humankind, chicks have never been able to keep a secret!! Ever!!
-5) The favorite color of all chicks shall always be pink. And none other than pink.
-6) If two chicks get into a fight, they shall make catty remarks and pretend to ignore each other rather than simply stripping down and wrestling it out.
-7) If a chick hears a chick empowerment song like �I will survive�, she shall stop whatever she is doing, grab another chick�s hand and shriek the lyrics at the top of her lungs.
-8) If the TV is showing the movie �My Best Friend�s Wedding� or �DDLJ�, the chick has to leave whatever she is doing and watch the movie till the very end. No matter how many times she has seen it. Corollary: A chick will quickly find some work in the kitchen or somewhere else if her boyfriend is watching the movie �Die Hard� or �300�.
-9) A chick may get a dog as a pet but only if it fits in her mailbox.
-10) If two chicks are wearing a same outfit, each retains the right to accidently spill a drink on the other.
-11) A chick shall not operate a motor vehicle in a safe manner. Corollary: If a chick does operate a motor vehicle, she will atleast hit someone.
-12) A chick shall never use the side mirror for applying lipstick while driving the car. It is extremely dangerous since it messes up the hair!!
-13) A chick has a free pass to slut it up on Halloween.
-14) A chick shall always say �Oww.. Sooo cute!!� at the sight of a baby or a kitten or a puppy or a man with a cute baby or a man with a cute puppy.
-15) A chick shall never leave the house without putting on make-up first, even if the house is on fire. Corollary: A chick shall never go to sleep without putting on make-up first. Corollary: If a chick is on a date, she shall find some excuse to use the restroom atleast three times in order to check the make-up.
-16) A chick shall always demonstrate an absolute lack of commonsense. Especially, if she is really hot!!
23) When flipping through TV channels with his Bros, a Bro is not allowed to skip past a program featuring boobs. This includes but is not limited to, exercise shows, women's athletics, and on some occasions surgery programs.
24) When wearing a baseball cap, a Bro may position the brim at either 12 or 6 o'clock. All other angles are reserved for rappers and the handicapped.
25) A Bro doesn't let another Bro get a tattoo, particularly a tattoo of a girls name. The average relationship between a man and a woman lasts 83 days. The relationship between man and his skin lasts a life time and must be nurtured because the skin is the largest and second most important organ a man has.